Δευτέρα, 19 Σεπτεμβρίου 2011

Δημήτρης 09:00 με 22:15*





*Κατά το Cleo 5 to 7

Μέσα Μαΐου 2011 και ενώ βρισκόμουν σε φάση ανείπωτης ανίας, πήρα με πρωτόγνωρο για τα δεδομένα μου αυθορμητισμό την απόφαση και έκλεισα φτηνά εισιτήρια με Eurostar για μονοήμερο ταξίδι στο Παρίσι. Είναι προκλητικά εύκολο να πας από Λονδίνο, λίγο πάνω από δύο ωρίτσες, κι έτσι αποφάσισα να πάω από χάραμα με ένα χάρτη της πόλης και του μετρό και να τριγυρίσω μόνος στους δρόμους μέχρι αργά το βράδυ που θα έφευγα.

Γενικά το μόνο μου άγχος για την επίσκεψη είναι πως δε μιλάω γρι γαλλικά και όλοι οι γνωστοί μου με είχαν προειδοποιήσει πως οι Γάλλοι είναι εθνικιστές και αν τολμήσεις να τους μιλήσεις αγγλικά είναι σχεδόν βέβαιο πως θα σε φτύσουν στα μούτρα και θα σου κλωτσήσουν τ' αρχίδια στη καλύτερη των περιπτώσεων ουρλιάζοντας 'Αλέ ετρανζέ!' (Νομίζω έτσι είναι στα γαλλικά το 'Φύγε ξένε δεν είσαι ευπρόσδεκτος στη πόλη μας!', αλλά είπαμε δε τα μιλάω). Χαίρομαι να δηλώσω πως κάτι τέτοιο δε μου συνέβη ποτέ και μόνο σε μία περίσταση πέτυχα άνθρωπο που δε μιλούσε αγγλικά οπότε σαν επαγγελματίας Γάλλος μίμος του έδωσα παραστατικά να καταλάβει πως θέλω να μου πει πού μπορώ να βρω μεγάλη γαλλική μπαγκέτα να βάλω στο στόμα μου.

Το Παρίσι έχει ένα δαιδαλώδες μετρό το οποίο σε πάει παντού και σχετικά φτηνά. Αυτό που μου έκανε εντύπωση είναι πως ιδίως στους παλιούς συρμούς, εκείνες οι τετράδες καθισμάτων που κάθεστε απέναντι δύο και δύο είναι πολύ κοντά μεταξύ τους, με αποτέλεσμα να πρέπει να τοποθετήσετε στρατηγικά με τον απέναντι τα μπούτια σας ο ένας ανάμεσα στου άλλου. Αυτό προκαλεί πολλά αμήχανα χαμόγελα και ανταλλαγές ματιών και σίγουρα πολλές γαλλικές σχέσεις πάθους ξεκίνησαν έτσι. Κι εγώ ο ίδιος δε σας κρύβω πως ειδικά με έναν συνταξιδιώτη μπήκα στο πειρασμό να του τρίβω ερωτικά το μπούτι ψιθυρίζοντας ρυθμικά και μονότονα 'Ζετέμ'.


Εντύπωση μου προκάλεσαν επίσης οι Γάλλοι ζητιάνοι. Μπορεί να είναι βρώμικοι και ρακένδυτοι, αλλά το κάνουν με στυλ. Διαπίστωσα πως για να σταδιοδρομήσεις ως ζητιάνος στο Παρίσι πρέπει να μιλάς τουλάχιστον τρεις ξένες γλώσσες, να έχεις ύφος που δείχνει πως ζητιανεύεις από επιλογή ενώ κάλλιστα θα μπορούσες να είσαι ζάμπλουτος, και να φοράς tank top με μαυρισμένα μπράτσα. 


Λόγω του πιεσμένου χρόνου, χρησιμοποίησα το μετρό για μια γρήγορη γύρα στη πόλη και σε κάθε σημείο ενδιαφέροντος έκανα μια στάση, έριχνα μια ματιά στο αξιοθέατο και συνέχιζα στο επόμενο. Έτσι είδα στα πεταχτά Μονμάρτρη, Παναγία Παρισίων, Πύργο Άιφελ και  έκανα και μια υπέροχη βόλτα από την Αψίδα του Θριάμβου μέχρι το Λούβρο όπου επιβεβαίωσα πως ο Παβλόφ ήταν όντως κορυφαίος επιστήμονας γιατί μόλις είδα την αφίσα της Μόνα Λίζα στην είσοδο, ήθελα να φάω σοκολατάκι.

Κατά το απογευματάκι και μετά από περιήγηση σε Σηκουάνα και μερικά γραφικά σοκάκια με έπιασε μια πείνα και έκατσα σε ένα όμορφο μπιστρό που ήταν ίδιο με εκείνο στο Inception που κάθεται η Ellen Page με το DiCaprio και τη ρωτάει 'Θυμάσαι πώς φτάσαμε εδώ?' κι εκείνη δε θυμάται και για κάποιο λόγο όλα μετά γίνονται συντρίμμια. Η αλήθεια είναι πως με τα σοκάκια είχα μπερδευτεί και ούτε εγώ θυμόμουν πως βρέθηκα εκεί, αλλά δεν αγχώθηκα και έφαγα μια ωραιότατη μακαρονάδα.

Στη συνέχεια ήθελα να βρω ένα σημείο να πάω να μελαγχολήσω παριζιάνικα και θύμωσα με τον εαυτό μου που δε σκέφτηκα εκ των προτέρων να προσλάβω ένα βιολιστή να με ακολουθεί όπου πάω παίζοντας ένα καταθλιπτικό τραγούδι να μου κάνει ατμόσφαιρα. Αυτά έχουν τα αυθόρμητα ταξίδια... Δε πτοήθηκα όμως και βρήκα ένα παγκάκι δίπλα στο Ποντ Νεφ, όπου άφησα τη σκέψη μου να αναπτύξει διάφορα υπαρξιακά αδιέξοδα όπως 'Αν ο Θεός είναι παντοδύναμος, γιατί δεν είμαι καλός στο σεξ;' αλλά μετά έφυγα γιατί με έπιασε μια ακατανίκητη ανάγκη να φάω κρουασάν.


Ως τελευταίο σταθμό άφησα τη gay συνοικία του Marais με σκοπό να χορτάσει το μάτι μου καυτά γαλλάκια. Με περίμενε μια ευχάριστη έκπληξη, καθώς ανακάλυψα πως οι Γάλλοι gay έχουν ένα εξαιρετικά δικό τους προσωπικό στυλ ενδυμασίας. Φορούσαν παλιομοδίτικα μαύρα καπέλα με μαύρα σακάκια και μαύρα παντελόνια με λευκό πουκάμισο, ενώ από το καπέλο τους εξείχαν απίστευτα σγουρές τούφες μαλλιών. Όλοι είχαν ατημέλητες γενειάδες και ύφος καλοσυνάτο. Η αντίθεση με τις γκέι συνοικίες που είχα συνηθίσει, με τους νεαρούς με τα hot pants και τα παρδαλά μπλουζάκια ήταν κραυγαλέα. Να μια γκέι συνοικία που θα μπορούσα να κάνω θραύση καθ' ότι σε σχέση μ' αυτούς ήμουν ο Hugh Jackman! Με την επιστροφή μου όμως στο Λονδίνο και έπειτα από ενδελεχή ιντερνετική έρευνα, ανακάλυψα πως το Marais  είναι και εβραϊκή συνοικία και έτσι δυστυχώς ο καυτός bear στον οποίο έκανα ματάκια για σαράντα λεπτά μάλλον επρόκειτο για ορθόδοξο εβραίο.




revqueer@yahoo.com

16 σχόλια:

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Εμφανίζεσαι, πετάς μια ιστορία (όπως πάντα τέλεια, με έξυπνο χιούμορ και σαφείς λεπτομέρειες) και μετά την κάνεις για αλλού κάνα χρόνο! Είσαι απαράδεκτος!!!
Πως πάει εκεί στα ξένα;

Tanila είπε...

Χριστέ μου! Ανάσταση νεκρών! Τώρα να δεις που θα πέσει και ο ουρανός στο κεφάλι μας!

gay super hero είπε...

Αχ ελπίζω και μεις εδώ να μη ζητιανεύουμε με στιλ σε λίγο :-)

Ρεβάκο μου άμα γίνω πρόσφυγας θα με φυγαδεύσεις μες στη βαλίτσα σου;

g for george είπε...

Γράφε συχνότερα ρε, μην τα κάνω όλα λίμπα εδώ μέσα.

tovenito είπε...

ό λαλα! με κάλυψε ο ηφαιστίων!
υγ. την επόμενη φορά μην κάνεις το ολέθριο σφάλμα και πας χωρίς βιολί!

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